Recently I have come to know about an incident. It is about
match making of bride and groom. In India, we still have such marriage fixing system. The parents
of eligible bride and groom meet and discuss about the boy and girl. They fix
program for their meeting and allow them to speak with each other. As the boy
and girl if find themselves suitable for each other and get agree to marry then other
customs of engagement are followed. The boy and girl would get married on an
auspicious day calculated by an astrologer under the stars for beginning of their
beautiful life. Now coming back to incident again. The boy- Arman (assumed name)
had a painful past of getting married before. His ex-wife was having a problem
of ‘Gama-phobia’. She used to get scare by the thought of marriage or
commitments. This was hidden by girl’s family. Immediately after marriage when Arman came to know about it, he tried to get her treated but she was neither
willing nor her parents shown any interest too. She went back to her house from the place of honey
moon and refused to join her husband. Finding no other way, despite best
efforts made for reconciliation, Arman
got divorced and as he is active, smart and well settled, he has started having
other options of brides from well to do girls and their families and one of them is this
girl- Raj Shri (assumed name). She is a beautiful, intelligent and well settled
girl. She had also gone through such similar type of horrible experience i.e.
domestic violence. She took divorce and wants to start her life a fresh. The
families from the both sides have met and liked each other but they are little confused and scared due to previous
torment experiences. They are prepared to take decision for the sake of happiness of their children as both are
interested in settling their children at first place. So after initial meetings
of families, the girl and boy have met each other. During the meeting they
discussed about their life and priorities, career and other aspects of life and
decide to meet a few times to know more about each other as the parents/ well-wishers have stated to discuss only formal talks. After hearing about
their discussion, I could make out both of them are keeping their emotional
side at par so that if things could not be sorted out, they would have no
heart-burn and can move away easily from each other. I would call it a PLANNED-LOVE.
My dear friends, love is never planned, it cannot be. It is
real soul feeling occurs in any situation even when not imagined. I know the
pain has made both of you apprehensive about love but one thing I am sure that
love is such a great feeling that despite many failures and previous heart
breaking experiences, you must try again and make efforts to rise in love
again. I do not call it fall rather for me it is always a rising in love.
I would like to suggest to you that love shall never get
stale/bored and must be grown always fresh. For that be a joker for your partner. Bring other’s humor side out. The lovers should always be laughing, smiling and happy and for that
the lovers needs to bring entertainment in love. Make your lover such a happy person
that he/she may forget about his/her fears and haunted experiences. Your
presence shall be like a gift of god in his/her life. Discuss everything or anything whether
serious or light but that should be full of entertainment and knowledge. Life is such a short affair of journey and love gets only
a few moments.
Love is such a wonderful feeling and that cannot be planned
nor should it be. A marriage can be planned and organized on a calculated day
by an astrologer but a love has no such choice neither lovers have. Sundays are good for weddings but love may occur on Monday-morning. It does not wait for Friday's night out or Saturday's brunch. The parents are afraid because
of their experiences and care for you but you shall not be afraid of love.
Accept it as it is coming to you. The meeting between the souls is never
planned and it should not be. Know your love and bring it to such stage where
both of you would be showering with bliss of love.
For me there
are (3) ingredients of a love and that are Entertainment, some Entertainment and
more Entertainment !!!…. Be an entertainer in your lover’s life and see the blooming of
beautiful love.
And last but not least
always remember that you should be presentable before each other so that you
shall be for each other always….
Now smile, the love has blessed you !! ;)
5 comments:
Bachwa Kamini th. FB Group 'aks - the reflection':
Very well explained about 'Planned Love'. First of all what is love? Love is a feeling from our inner side. It is neither be bought nor sold. It is god gifted. Nowadays through evolutions and developments everything is changing gradually. The new generations are not aware of the true meaning of love and lust. Love is forever but lust is just for a little time. Boys are having physical pleasures with many girls and girls are also the same. The meaning of love is being spoilt. The fragrance of love is not like that. To love someone first of all you must know the person very well and basically his character. In hindu religion it is said it is better to match horoscope and get married. I agree with it. Because if it is not matching then you have many problems in your married life. There are lucky ones you have done love marriage and are living happily. But it is not for all. Love can happen even after your parents have chosen a boy or a girl for you. Then you can know each other well by meeting each other and boy will come at the girls place for some times and they will get married. It happened for me like this it is an arranged marriage and it is a perfect one. In a relationship there are anger, arguments , shouting but for a few minutes for a long time. And there must be compromise then we call it a pure love and divine.
Dear Friends, I am not against 'Arranged Marriages' nor in favor of 'Love Marriages'. My emphasis is on mutual love relationship without fixing the things on keeping it on a scale. I have explained about the divines of love that one shall not be felt defeated if a relationship fails. A cautiousness in love will never lead to love rather to a noisy party dealt with unwarranted guests with scattered leftovers of garbage. ATTAIN LOVE rather than TO LOVE....
There is a dream about love of a couple that exists when both people are dreaming this same dream and just in their fantasy! I heard that man and woman only fit together as babies, next when they are about 18 and then in the age of 60! Like Bachwa says: " In a relationship there are anger, arguments , shouting but for a few minutes for a long time. And there must be compromise then we call it a pure love and divine." Through compromise we keep this dream alive and have a chance to overcome all obstacles together. Through compromise we make it to arrive the age of 60 and the happy relationship at least that we felt when we "fall in love". Love stays the same always, it is the respect that creases with the years or decreases.
God took me my husband in the age of 58 when the children were near to be grown up. So I had no chance to live this wonderful time. Our feeling of love deep inside has never changed.
If you ask people that lived more than 20 years in a marriage like me you will get a lot of different answers how they keep the relation on the positive side. As I read, your idea is entertainment. From my experience I can say: the love you feel for a person has nothing to do with the life you are living with him/her. Love only makes us able to create every day new moments of happiness.
The circumstances of daily life are the biggest enemies for lovers. Real love is a feeling that resists all...because love is not possible to be killed - if it is more deep than the love between man and woman that I call attraction. Some autors in Western countries even came to the conclusion to call this kind of love chemical love. The idea of partnership now is that people get together to learn something more and seperate when there is nothing more to learn. They call the partner cohabitant( I am surprised to find an English translation for the German word. "Lebensabschnittsgefährte" means a fellow for a period of one's life").
Whenever it happened that I felt I could not forgive my husband I remembered that he is my brother first. And it is diffult not to forgive your brother, isn't it? In some areas of the world people marry with cousins till now. The word cousin didn't exist before. Cousins have been called brothers and sisters as well as real siblings. For those it was/is much easier to forgive eachother. I had neighbors living right next to my door before who were cousins. But I know already about this custom from the stories of Abraham and Sarah and their children in the Holy scripture.
In special situations it is was very helpful to see the sister/brother in the spouse. It propitiates people, they get more humble and mild. I used to see all of us as family now.
♥ ¤═════¤★ ღﾚo√乇♡ & ☆Light☼ღ
Shankar Iyer th FBG ' ONENESS MIRACLES' :
Fantastic, thanks for sharing and keep it up! God bless you! we ALL LOVE YOU!
Lata Ramdas th FBG 'Yes to sprituality':
Let all the moments in your life be filled with love!
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